Maria Sharapova is disgusting

I always thought Maria Sharapova is the perfect woman; long legs that seem to stretch forever (hmmm, long legs), that girl-next-door look (hmmm, girl-next-door) and she even plays tennis (hmmm, tennis racquet). Until I read this, stuff my nightmare is made out of.

“If people knew what Maria was really like outside of the spotlight, I can guarantee you she would not be thought of as a sexual icon,� said Justin Henin-Hardenne. “She has some absolutely heinous habits in the bathroom. I’ve actually seen other players get nauseous and throw up after listening to her take a bowel movement in the locker room. It’s like: ‘Eeeeee-ahhh … plop … Ghhhhhh-ahhhhh … splish … Mmmmm-ooooooo … plap … Aaaaaa-ohhhh … kerplunk.’ And I won’t even go into what her wiping routine sounds like. She is utterly disgusting.�

Now I’m traumatized. I need a psychiatrist and beautiful photos of Maria Sharapova (hmmm, photos of Maria Sharapova).